I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
