Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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