Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
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He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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