Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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