The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
