he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
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he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
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So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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