Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
