So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
