I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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