There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Randomize
