some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
