I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
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