so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Two words: blizzard sex
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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