He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
