I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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