Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
