I should be sponsored by Trojan
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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