The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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