i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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