Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
