do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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