So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
