I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
