My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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