So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
