saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
