you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
