im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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