Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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