I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
My pussy is not your playground.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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