there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
