I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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