it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
