dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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