guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Houston, we have a blender
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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