she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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