chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
