You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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