So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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