He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
