what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
