Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Randomize