Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
