Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
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I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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