just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
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Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
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"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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