if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
high people should be assigned attendants
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
