you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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