She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
If that was your dad, he is hot
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
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