I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
