Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
