this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
