is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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