im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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