so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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