I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Randomize
