that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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