Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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