Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
