You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
