You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
