My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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