I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
