All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Randomize
