guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
